New Jersey

Wed Aug 20, 2008, 6:54 PM

I've stopped writing about how I'm doing here with my aunt and grandpa mainly because I didn't want to be a day to day update on how my father figure wastes away or my aunt drives me up the wall with her stupidity. Most I do is complain, describe and/or rant I was thinking though that I will eventually transfer these entries to somewhere else, I mainly write them for myself. So once again this is merely an update on my life and quite possibly a rant since I'm prone to having those, I just want to keep somewhere safe and written so no need to read on.


Grandpa's legs stopped working and they've frozen up bent. My aunt being the amazingly smart and tender individual she is and saying he's just stiffining them and its no chronic arthritis the red developments on the joints is just *rash* and decided to *bend* them for the last few days while yelling at him to bend and stop doing that to himself or he'd die before september in which episodes he'd scream and cry and I'd come moments from snapping and telling her what an incompetent ass she was being playing idiot doctor. He would just scream and cry nothing hurt when she asked him if it hurt then starting yelling the philistines invented the lightbulb.

She's a health freak obsessed with cleaning and nutrition. You know drink a glass of orange juice every day in the morning and ALWAYS eat a salad stuff like that. Which is something I do and don't mind but if she could stop talking about it i'd stand her a lot better but she just talks about that and media sensationalism I mean she loves to talk and say how she hates certain celeberties ( which I fail to understand exactly how she stirs up such idiotic passionate loathing for single public figures that don't intrude in her life at all) or just sit watching soaps and complain. So miss health guru first tells me a few days after I started giving and offering him water a few times daily *He didn't use to drink water* and then this week she DARED say *Hey don't give him water because he will wet himself*
I didn't reply and gave it to him anyway and have kept doing so. She dehydrates him so she doesn't have to change his diaper? What the bleeding hell? I change his diaper too. She tries to get him to make sense and gets upset when he doesn't or doesn't react. He has a tumor in there he has brain damage. Is she that insensetive and dumb?

Besides that complaining about me leaving "dirty dishes" which are dishes I've scrubbed with a sponge and soap but you know particles of food still left on them and oh I contaminate things by not peeling the skin off my hands washing them after touching ANYTHING, I wash my hands regularly, this is ANYTHING though like you cut a tomato. For her the tomato contaminated your hands *sigh*.... Fixation with her carpets like they are holy shrines. You know her computer that had no firewall or antivirus, no desktop and somewhere close or around 150 icons on the desktop after I made it appear. 12 viruses and 18 trojans and hundreds of tracking cookies I got out? I gave it another year of life and made it act like an actual crappy computer not some abomination. She says I'm damaging her computer by using it now and that she *never* had *any* problems with it before.

I left it updating windows yesterday she woke me up today all rude and pissy that I had left it on and am causing damage to the computer she never had problems with before. Going about how all the programs were on, well it RESTARTED itself all the shit you've got that starts up when it turns on DID. Then she yells she doesn't want to hear it (apparently she's allergic to logic) and that I just need to understand it's as simple as leaving things as I found them and that's the end of it. I really hate the fact I gave the computer full maintenence and a good antivirus... ungrateful wench I've just prolonged her bucket of crap's life for a lot longer and regret doing so.

I help her around the house but she's so ignorant and obsessive she just has to find things to bring up. I dried something and left toilet paper JUST toilet paper in the toilet yes it's a huge deal because it wasn't flushed. There's food on the sink's grill, it's rice which i haven't had she blames me for it and makes a huge deal ironically I left the rice there because it's not mine and I was following her ungrateful bitch policy of leaving things how you found them. I'm downstairs at 2a.m. I eat something leave a plate in the sink which I always keep spartan she shows up at 3a.m. beyond all reason on why or how to complain about a single plate in the sink and leaving things how you found them.

*sigh* She drives me up the wall. I've been pissed at her and I have been tried to be polite and apparently it's shown that I'm running out of patience. I've cold and silent as well as gotten aggressiver in asking for doctor appointments and pointing out grandpa's state and need of professional help from his legs and incapability to move. He's starting to develop ulcers on his skin as well as not being able to be taken into the tub for a shower. I'm more on the not about to snap sector now because she admitted she needed and accepted hospice care. Which she's been denying because they step on her carpets, come into her house and touch her things. They came today they were pleasant enough a nurse and a social worker and we'll have someome 5 days a week for 2 hours. Her personality change around guests disgusts me.

I've been sitting with the bed's handrail down with grandpa from 9a.m. to 4:00p.m.-5:00 watching tv and lending him my Ipod or reading he's gotten a lot more inresponsive which really hurts because I used to get him to have conversations with me, ones that weren't logical or made sense but they were contact now he's gone mostly catatonic, most energetic I get him to be is when I give him water and we get to talk about me going to get it, having it, it being cold, drinking it, enjoying it. We've gotten a sort of routine and he';s gotten familiar with asking and talking on it. He goes completely inresponsive most of the time which is new, he's always been a little gone or a lot then back. He's always seen things, my aunt is considerate enough to yell at him to stop being crazy or that there's nothing going on which just traumatizes him. I usually go along with it so he feels safe, logical even when it's bears in the house, magical storms outside, little people living in napkins or the philestines stealing the lightbulbs I go along to keep him happy. My aunt is apparently too blunt and thick to understand which once again tries my patience but oh well.

It was signed in the hospice care that he won't be brought back if he dies. That stung me badly but I have to remind myself my grandmother's final moments were being shocked back to life 4 times then being lost which I can't say was peaceful and really wounds me that it was like that.

Right I'm off Ladies and Gents