Well internet explorer closed my half finished entry. That was charming... I'm too tired too start again... back from hospital... Holocene extinction.... Bees... vibrating beds... yeaaahhh I'll rewrite later.
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(Later)
Well first of all I'm slightly disturbed at this very moment. I'm seeing Sarah Palin talking to a reporter while turkeys are slit and disembowled behind her. I guess the main thought going on in my mind over and over again is What the hell? That reporter played her, he didn't say let's move away from the poultry massacre did he? Nope he said Sarah Palin doesn't mind what an insensetive wench ha! this goes hand in hand with shooting wolves from helicopters! big bucks for me! har har. The clip's been running on CNN all day apparently. It bothers me it doesn't surprise me from her but bothers. It's a reminder of the upcoming turkey holocaust. I hope you die clean and you die quickly you nice dumb birds.
To the main course shall we? I got back from the hospital today. I'm bone tired but I'll be shipping my laptop back in the next few days so I basically figured I'll just get the most out of it now and sleep when it's goes for a 2-3 week vacation for repairs. Some entries ago if you might remember I said the hospital staff and doctors loved me and I was worried they'd do something like bake me a cake. Well they did, not bakery related, but they did. They offered me a part time job as a receptionist saying it's sad my nursing and tact can't be put to use but they really hoped i'd take receptionist. I politely declined of course. Grandpa needs me and when he doesn't because he'll be in better hands in the next world I highly doubt I'll stick around New Jersey. I gave them my number and got theirs just in case some freak accident of life happens but more out of politeness. Grandpa's stopped talking but I talk to him anyway. When he's mor alert he nods or shakes his head sometimes he just moves his eyebrows at me. He usually does it when he's alert but sometimes randomly too so I talk to him all the time. It helps me and I think he can her me. I guess if a third person party was to walk in I'd seem insane having full conversations, agreeing with his unspoken consent, inquiries or denials. If I go or it long enough he does pay attention at some point. I also do so for the simple facts that it helps me cope and I love him. Loss of speech doesn't change anything were still having quality time
I remember these nurses came over and they were just taking notes down and asking details and he was alert enough t see them. They left and I go over and put an arm around him and go "All these pretty girls coming to see you eh?" and squeezed his shoulder, he moved his mouth and raised his eyebrows amused and smirked a bit.His limbs are contracted and it got me thinking. Astronauts get onto these vibrating beds to prevent bone density loss and muscle strenght diminishing. Couldn't this same approach be taken to people who are getting atrophied, in a much more gentler approach of course but I believe it would work. Just a theory of course. I carved soap sculptures with scissors at the hospital. When grandpa sleeps I feel the need to watch over him regardless, there was that incident that mom took me to a mall and left him alone and I got what might be called protective separation anxiety, so I stay in the vicinity. I also get bored out of my mind... so Icarvd soap... scultures... with hair scissors...in a hospital bathroom. I don't want to know what that makes you think about my mental state... I sent a picture message by phone by a friend and then presented them to her when she called. She couldn't stop laughing it made me happy. I named them Creepy Pablo and Konrad. Someone around here might recognize Creepy Pablo...
I met a nursing student who was very kind and se also liked me a lot I think. She was doing part of her practice and was around for 2 days. She was fun she was cheerful, smart and a bit shy and a bit awed at my nursing and medicine knowledge since everything she tried to tell me related to it I'd cut her off with an "I know" and explained it myself. It's been 6 months and not only do I like learning I want to take the best care of Grandpa so I've gone up the ropes and learned with an honest interest. She asked me my age at a point and I gave her a coy smile and she blushed like there was no tomorrow. Her goodbye was a blushing giggling mess since I just kept going for eyecontact with a smirk and gentle nods. I cut her off before she gave me her number she was a sweetheart, maybe at another time I might've taken it further, my love interests lie elsewhere right now though. As risky and knife egded as they are.
I was thinking of the Holocene extinction and the bees. I started the entry that got deleted with this and worded it a lot more nicely because it was actually on my mind at the time. Main thing is how bees are dissapearing and such a large number of plants depend on pollinization by them. Take a moment and think about it, it's pretty damn worrying for me when I do it. I can see a chain reaction, a dominoe effect stemming from and widely and severely affecting flora and fauna as a whole. It's called an ecosystem for a reason you know. Not only is this slowly and surely happening you got so many other negative indirectly or directly human factors attacking the balance from other angles. I can't shake the feeling it's all going to hell then look around me and everyone is still enthralled in their small minds with their excessive shopping and masturbation. It saddens me sometimes, momentarily, I shake it off but still bah. Is it so hard to raise an eye to the heavens and ponder and maybe be conscious of your fleeting time on this world? at least once in your life. I'm a peaceful person generally all of the time but let me tell you I feel rage pure, imaginatively violent and undiluted torwards people who throw trash out their windows while driving.
A lot other stuff went through my mind in the sleepless night on a pullout sofa at the hospital it's a pity I couldn't write them then. I like to think they were more important and interesting than what I wrote now.
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