Where to begin where to begin?
My mind's racing so I might get tangled. Let us begin with this.
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Religion-
Good and Evil I enjoy thinking about the definition of it. It is horrible to see the world in black and white.
I was brought up with the ten commandments and yet my moral questioning begun quickly at a very very young age with stuff like:
1) But If someone hurts someone I love I will hurt them back to protect
2) But I help my friends out of trouble by lying for them
3) But I steal food or pencils for friends in need
4) But People who say they follow God can be mean, hurtful or selfish
Wouldn't he be happy that I'm doing good?
so on and of course the basic question of why does he let bad stuff happen. I never accept anything without questioning it thoroughly, never have probably never will.
Firstly I myself am a Christian though I believe I'd be stereotypically labelled a heretic. I follow Jesus christ and believe him and his teachings, that's it everything else is man-made, created by flesh, not spiritual, not reliable.
Christianity is good, best religion in the world, we got big churches which are the only true holy temples and the holiest book which beats all the other books. Follow this with blind faith please look. Answer to me the Crusades and the Witch hunts, answer me Hagia Sofia. Catholic against Christian hate and vice versa confuses me to no end. Be as angry with me as you will if I pull up historical records I've studied and show you how this religion has changed, it has evolved for all those extremists that loath the concept.
Religion is about reaching trascendance and about finding inner peace and loving others. Excuse me but I sincerely do not see those basic purposes in most people who strut up and down loudly proclaiming their faith and belittling and discriminating all that is not on par with. It wounds me deeply to see a "Christian" protest with swear words and curse words against gay marriage or racist arrogant church goers.
God has not said this or that is a lie or it is wrong, people speaking for God say it is a lie or it is wrong they use Him to base their hatreds, fears and ends. God hasn't "said" anything. Though I find passages of the Bible inspiring bear in mind that it has been completely manipulated, changed, rewritten and put together by the church who rose to power ceturies later and wrote it thousands and thousands of years after Christ and the events of the bible had happenend. Were believing a mythology the same way the romans believed in their pantheon. I'm deeply spiritual mind you just not religious. Everyone walks around completely ignorant. Studying a little history, theology and mythology would really help shed the cloak of ignorance and superstition.
I have heard and I don't know if to laugh, to cry or to be disgusted, I think I do a mixture of those. When I hear a person's religion and goodwill revolves around gaining entry to heaven this is a pathetic, selfish and sickening way to believe. Heaven in the sense of what people believe is simply a figment for a weary tired mind of something to look forward after suffering so much on this earth. Hell is simply a boogeyman to keep you in line, to make you malleable and subservient. Simply ways to try to explain, simply ways to cope, simply ways to control. If I or someone else were to prove without a doubt that there is no afterlife. I firmly believe society would fall apart without the threat of hell to stop you from commiting evil deeds or the heaven to suffer for. These are very effective ways to control based on basic psychological principles.
Part of me believes in an afterlife and part of me is ready to accept that there might not be because I reject the stereotpical beliefs on it. Personally I'd rather become nothing than sit around enjoying myself for eternity. I have a very peaceful outlook on death and life and I am a fighter and a caretaker so an eternity of bliss sounds rather pointless for me.
We human beings we barely ascended monkeys are not all we like to think we are and we are not divine in the least so stop pretending to be and merely strive to be. Collective hypocrites read between the lines of your faith.
Jesus lived in the middle east get real he was not white caucassian, blue eyed with soft wavy brown hair and a well trimmed goatee and a six pack. God is not a bearded man sitting in the sky unless you want to tell me God has the appropiate genitals to be indentified as male. Stop using up and down to define heaven and hell. Above is the sky and below us is the ground were in the 21st century you sound like a peasant in the Dark Ages. Jesus says love others quote to me PLEASE where he promotes hate and discrimination and I don't want bloodthirsty old testament stuff if you believe christ died on the cross then he died for EVERYONE get that?
I have read Buddhist texts, I've read Islam and I've read the bible. I've read the history and the changes done by the church, which let me tell you were a lot. I don't trust fleshy human beings to manipulate divinity for hundreds of years and leave it uncorrupted. I've studied theology and mythology extensively and I will say this. Most of the people today are so braindead you take a religiously blank copy of them and send them back in time to the roman empire and they'd worship the Roman Pantheon.
My point we believe in a living mythology. Mangled, manipulated, changed and passed down by mortals to try to comprehend and master something we are not meant to. We keep dogmatizing and trapping ourselves in religions we make up we even forget their true purposes! We as a species have stagnated ourselves and have barely scratched the surface of divnity and trascendance. Were just good at being stupid, killing each other and ourselves for the most part.
Get as angry with me as you will but I say all religions are cultural and local based ways to tap into spirituality and divinity. No human being in my eyes has the right to say theirs is superiors and the others are lies. That is monstrously arrogant and intelllectually void. Yet people are raised to see the world in black and white. To be selfish and hateful for no reason they truly understand or analyze. Such a horrible way to see it, look at all the grief and death and hate it brings.
Mind yourself I am not against God just merely against religion and all that Mankind has done to twist divinity into it's own image.
I speak heresy Oh noes! Don't burn me?
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Emotions-
Well I tried taking a friend's advise about expressing my emotions. I didn't like what I found and what started surfacing so I shut it out again but I am still writing it here at least. I am still on a quest to be as cold as the light of the moon and the depths of the ocean. I just strive to get rid of emotions that make me weak is all. I embrace love, caring and controllable hate. Just fear, insecurities, loneliness, sadness and such I don't acknowladge them just supress with an aloof indifference which sometimes threatens to crumble from weight alone. I don't need them they make me reliant on people who aren't trustworthy, they make me weak and they make me vulnerable.
It's just how I am------------------------------------
Questions-
1) What is the meaning of "tonsured" read a book it was the only word I did not know the meaning of.
2) So I've mentioned there is water on Mars though now I need verification on how it would act if it melted on an atmosphere-less planet like Mars
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Besides that I made a list of plants and herbs for the garden I hope to have someday even though realistically I'll be apartment hopping in college . I'm eating books, currently taking apart a celtic myths one and noting down stuff highly recommend it, these myths are precious gems rarely mentioned. Ironically I am still forgetting to physically eat and am losing weight but whatever. I learnt to read the tarot off a symbology book ooo witchcraft ooo. I am a dabbler at heart I believe I can expose myself to any information analyze it, take what I like or agree with and logically refute and deny that which is wrong so yeah. My curiosity overwrites caution or superstition I enjoy talking to whatever might listen in graveyards and seeing if something happens
Fearless in the quest for knowledge one must be! plus it's a lot more interesting and fun 
Ah well I came, I saw, I ranted.
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