*ahem* My computer died a terrible horrible slow drawn out death at the hands of a virus. As you may imagine that means I won't be around as often and for the lack of replies, comments and Llama songs I most sincerely apologize.
School's being a bitch but when hasn't it been? I still don't mix with the teachers who's outlook on teaching is strutting around like a sergeant feeding their ego and making us answer 25 or more irrelevant questions out of a workbook while making us keep our heads down and our mouths shut with their mighty authority which I utterly fail to acknowladge. I really don't understand why these people decide to be teachers and something tells me it's not out of wanting to teach.
I'm passing school at least though barely. Besides my issues with some teachers I get decent grades in their classes of course complemented by their scorn and disaproval but its the physics and the calculus that's killing me. I'm dyslexic and I utterly fail with numbers and that's accompanied by more constant wording of disapointment and how irresponsible I am.
There's the small issue I live with my single mother who works late and I have to play the role of housekeeper. The animals, the cleaning, the cooking, the catering, the laundry, the fighting and the stress really don't leave me with time nor energy for being an A student and I don't really give a damn about my high IQ that people love to rub in.
Aparently I'm shit at school because I don't live up to my high IQ nor do I care in their opinion though I do but actions speak more than words eh?
I'm shit at home because I don't live up flawlessly to my housekeeping duties. I basically clean the entire house and care for all the animals, my back is a knot of pain and mom comes home and starts yelling at me how irresponsible I am because the trash isn't taken out.
Now I have ocean of patience for most people but I live with her and she drained hers long ago. I start telling her how ungrateful and perfectionist she is, how tired am, that it's not taken out because I am currently throwing things away in it and how I shouldn't even have the responsiblity of the whole house.
She counters with that it is irrelevant if the house is clean or not the trash still isn't taken out as *always*, I got home 3 hours earlier than her and I don't work and yes the house is my responsiblity because dad isn't here and anyway I don't have a job or anything better to do.
Ah I rage what about school you think it doesn't tire me out? School is for your own benefit she says it's your duty to yourself and this is your responsiblity. So we fight until she wins or I start making a point and she decides she doesn't want to hear it anymore, of course I have to swallow every reprimand and insult when she's talking, and begins yelling at me to stop talking or threatening to hit me so I shut up and properly respect her.
Then she sits in the sofa and calls on me every 5minutes for stupid things like to bring her water, the remote that is across the room or get the door.
Constant reprimands and orders because unlike me who says "If you want something done how you want it do it yourself" she goes by "Yell and insult other people until they get it right" of course "right" is just a matter of perception but she's a dominant perfectionist so it's hopeless.
When I was applying for college there was this page that was for requesting a scholarship and mom looks at me and she's like are you good at any of this? I glare at her and I go "No I'm good at cleaning, animal care and arguing I don't see them there" and so another fight begun.
She's a very pious, very dominant and narsisstic woman. Which if you know me I'm the complete opposite: very liberal and accepting, "I'll give you advice but in the end it's your choice and I'll back you up either way" outlook with people I care for and with self esteem a tad wounded. We can't have civilized conversations so we basically never have a real talk.
People that know me well really dislike her because of what she demands of me, what I do for her and how she doesn't apreciate it. I haven't had a birthday or basically anything holiday related at home since I was nine and she refuses to buy anything I don't *need* I live off 6.99 books and a video game every 4 months.
Now I do want to make something clear I do love her a very great deal. Yes she's thrashed my self esteem, yes she tries to destroy who I am and make a clone of her out of me and live my life, yes I never had a childhood, yes she's racist and tyrannical and yes she's inconsiderate and ungrateful.
If she hurts me it's because she thinks she's right and deep down inside she does love me. I can't stand her that is true but I do love her and I really worry what will happen to her when I leave.
I made a new druid on WoW if there's something i'd like to play besides a hunter it's a druid. I have a thing for nature based classes it seems
I love nature especially forests. I want to go hiking soon. My druid looks old that sort of reflects how I feel I guess an old caretaker.I'm so tired... storms don't last forever I always say but I can't imagine what feeling not stressed and tired is like.
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