I talked to dad today well he's outraged. Paraphrasing what he said:
"I am a minor caring for a terminally ill old man in complete isolation while most of my family has washed their hands and turned their backs and my aunt who's caring for him refuses to get professional help or support. I can keep him company but it is completely unacceptable for me to be bathing him and changing him, there are professional services for this kind of thing and money is not short. I've made a martyr out of myself out my own free will by doing this for an undefined ammount of time which be undoubtedly be exploited by those who have turned their backs. I don't leave the house 7 days a week day and night or have any social contact nor am I studying. However willingly I'm doing this I'm the martyr who remains when they've all washed their hands and left me isolated with a huge burden. A guy in jail has more social contact and less responsiblity than me."
so on so my health and emotional state will suffer, he's pretty mad.
Grandpa cannot walk or make much sense and is in a lot of pain but he doesnt seem that it will end anytime soon it seems to be going at a much more slower rate. He still laughs so it is bearable for me as long as he can laugh and smile after that I guess I will have a breakdown or something of the sort, my emotions and stress feel strung out taut like a wire. Dad is right in the aspect that this does feel like solitary endurance exercise though he also says it's inhuman and unnecesary for me to go through this if it's being done sloppy and irresponsibly by the other parties involved and in that I also agree but it doesn't change my standing on the matter. He's worried about me being happy he's always been very worried about that because I've never seemed a happy kid though personally I've never been out for that, Disney didn't brainwash me into expecting happy endings. I've learnt to cope past things I should be taking counselling for.
As I said he's pretty mad saying every "Oh Seb's caring for his grandpa" is a pure ignorant lie that doesn't encompass all the shit and the piss and the stress I'm going through which is. It still doesn't change my standing on the matter. I choose this out of my free will.
Rather unexpected since mom says his voice broke talking to her about me on the phone right now he's a storm of insulted outrage. He's basically preaching for me to cut and run. I've always loved talking to dad because even if I disagree with most of what he's saying he manages not to insult me or develop it into an arguement which can't be said for every other family member. He praised me a lot for my choice but told me I could change it before we said goodbye. Hmm I understand his concern but
it didn't change anything. This might not have anything overly rewarding from an outside view but it rewards me in a personal way I don't expect anyone to understand much less agree.In other stuff we took grandpa to the hospital a few days ago on a high fever. He was giggling on the stretcher when the paramedics were taking him out and I was smiling at him. When we got there he tried holding my hand but I couldn't keep up with the stretcher. They did some bloodwork and tests and asked me some questions. This huge heavy guy came over who was an assistant nurse and started playing with him and joking with me. Grandpa was squeezing his hand and he was "OH he's strong!" and I would translate then he was saying grandpa was breaking his fingers. I told grandpa he was breaking his fingers and he got really scared and asked me what should he do and I was like let go? and the big nurse was "owwwwowowowow!" and we laughed for awhile. He asked grandpa how were the girlfriends and grandpa goes "I don't need girlfriends, I don't want girlfriends...I want coffee!" then we laughed some more. At the end of the night I was talking to him and he told me he was from Africa which explained why I was so intrigued by his accent then we got home at 7a.m.
I talked to an old friend. Nietzsche once said that when one has a great or an new idea one must find a midwife for them. In the sense for a person that will help you develop it, test it and expand it. We talked about life on other plants. How there is frozen water so there should've once been an atmosphere when it was liquid. Then the Creation and alien life. We talked about how money and selfishness stagnate mankind and causes suffering. Stunts mankind's transcendance and progress.
Interesting talks as always, they always lift my mood. Also got a friend that amuses me and makes me happy to no end so I'm content overall as much as I could be
I've been busy and slightly stressed so I haven't been writing a lot though I still answer messages.
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