Gonna write shtuff!
Well the iguana laid eggs but it's still crippled. It's back seems permanently arched and one of it's eyes is closed. I buried the eggs in a box full of damp dark earth. No idea what i'm going to do with the hatchlings
Oh If you remember the turtle that died? I exhumed it. It was a gust of rot and a greyish blob around scant bones and a shell. I cleaned the shell with a pressure hose then boiled it in vinegar and rearranged with glue. Then treated it with oils and perfume and a coating of light glue.My cousin was in the hospital because his appendix was aparently about to burst, he got surgery. We went to visit him. He kept complaining about having to pee but not being able to because he couldn't use both his hands. Mom asked me to help him and I offered to but he declined which made me laugh. I have a down to earth outlook with stuff like that. Were all human and we all have needs. Sometimes we can't do them by ourselves it's perfectly understandable, not gross or weird. I took care of grandpa and deal with kindergarden kids. Blood, piss and shit veteran here at your service.
I went to the school's field day. One the way there I noticed there were a bunch of cops and people looking up at a construction site and some cranes. We stopped at a bakery not far away and everyone was talking and saying stuff like "It's not on the news yet" and "I think he did it less than half an hour ago". I asked What was going on to the cashier that had this face of shock and fear. Wide scared eyes perversely mixed with a nervous smile, she was trying to cope with it I assume. She said some guy hanged himself from a crane and that you could see it outside. I promptly got my camera and took pictures. I am aware that I am terribly morbid sometimes. Blame my childhood and the fact I see death as a natural embraceable fact of life.
I went to the field day. I ran about, took some pictures. I laughed really hard because the school nurse told me the kids were left unmedicated as to not hamper their peformance. I claimed it's an unfair advantage for the hyperactive kids to race against the others. Someone brought a pet pig it was adorable! I wanted to steal it...
After it was all said and done, I gave thanks to the girl who planned the whole thing after the guy who was supposed to organize it quit his job at the school. She filled in with too much hard work and stress and pulled through. I don't really know her but I felt I should add that personal thanks to her day.
I said my goodbyes and got invited to the beach.
I had gone before to a birthday party at the beach before but there were parents so the drinking was moderate. Yet after awhile more people came over. I didn't like it or the fact some guys showed up stoned and that people started getting tipsy so I wandered off into the palm tree forests, tried to follow school's of fish or swam alone. I really enjoyed being alone with nature
I didn't really want to come home this time so I accepted. Until now I debate with myself if it was a mistake or not. What followed was, don't know why I didn't predict it, the typical hedonistic, selfish, peer pressured inspired crap people do here as a social life. Too much alcohol, pot, idiocy, nudity, constant unimaginative swearing and reckless driving.
I'm quiet and polite. I've helped enough of them with tests and homework for them not to give me shit from turning down the alcohol they kept pushing on me. I mask my emotions well which went from pity to mild irritation to contempt and back. When the place stank like pot and they were al shitfaced and getting too friendly with the girls. I asked one that seemed uncomftable with the hands on her, while trying to get them off with a fake smile, if she'd join me for a walk. She declined and asked when I'd come back. I just walked on and swam on, lost myself on the waves and enjoyed the warm sand inbetween my toes.
Close friend who convinced me to come. Who doesn't drink yet was completely drunk at the moment. He kept asking me if my perception of him had changed I just kept replying all perceptions change and that he smelled like rum and vomit.
He's been trying to talk to me. "I never do stuff like that" so on. I just sent him the pictures and videos I took of him drunk. I'll forgive him eventually, right now I'm enjoying being hard-hearted and cruel. I am quite disappointed.
Lastly a girl from school asked me out. I take some afterschool classes with her. I am friendly and polite to everyone but not open which leads to a great deal of people flocking about. I keep a tight self-discipline around my emotions and hide them. I only enjoy the company of people I care for, mentally handicapped people, animals, children and people that can hold an intelligent and interesting conversation. I enjoy the company of either innocence, humbleness or intelligence. Feeling either empathy and protectiveness or interest. Most other people are just selfish cattle? ... I realize this is a unhealthy way to look at them but they reinforce the view at every turn. As odd or ironic it may seem that i'm very empathic and that I reach out to help anyone in need doesn't mean I want the favour returned or their constant company. Sometimes I wonder if that cycle of empathy and revulsion is some sort of bipolarity.
I know I emotionally matured way faster than it would be healthy to and the reasons for it weren't the nicest but I'm proud of who I am and to have pulled through. I'm sure you can understand why. I look at people who have a mom and dad waiting at home with a home cooked meal with a mix of superiority and I will admit envy. My idea of a fun afternoon is: Helping people, experimenting with plants or chemicals, reading, being alone, cleaning, caring for animals, cooking, pondering life and just getting lost in deep thinking so on.
What I'm trying to get to is that I find it really hard to relate to "normality" or have many open relationships.
I am aware I have an unhealthy tendency to judge people quickly, which I try not to do yet I catch myself doing it. I won't write her off I told her I'd go, other girls like me too and their attempts fail horribly, her boldness was flattering. She's very childish and not very smart. Childishness is not bad, I am childish myself in some aspects. I choose to be because it's my way to laugh in life's face and enjoy it after all the crap it's thrown at me. Emotional maturity and intelligence are something I look for yet is something rather scarce, at least where I am now. Anyways people find my switching from childish and playful to dead serious and quiet to polite and cheerful.. quite confusing. I can't say I blame them I barely understand myself at the best of times.
I would like to point out she is by no means a bad or dull person. She speaks of mudane everyday things and is driven by the same herd instinct of consumerism. Underneath is there's a very simple minded and scared girl, I know this because vague referances to her own past are short and acompanied by a glassy sad look in her eyes.
Her hurt innocence as before mentioned is welcomed and it ignites my protective instinct yet on the evening itself, her being a lady I and gentleman. I was chivalrous and polite as always. Now she's falling for me hard and I don't have the slightest clue what to do... I bet this was all a confusing tangle.. my apologies I had to vent not a lot of people to talk to around.
Now I must finish cleaning my room, doing my laundry, cleaning the house then will be off to water my garden and plant some potatoes.
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