Devious Journal Entry

Wed Dec 10, 2008, 1:04 PM

Ah well as you may imagine I write once again because of developments. My grandpa's in the hospital again. No reason behind it. He's had pneumonia twice and is 85, he just had a cough and my aunt took him as "preventive measures" which she's never taken before. The doctor, just a few days ago, gave us an antibiotic treatment to prevent it from returning when he developed a light cough again. As you know I'm the one that stays weeks on end sleeping on a pullout sofa in the hospital day after day when he's admitted until he's discharged. My aunt had an argument with my mom when my mom told her she was buying plane tickets and needed a date within two weeks. It was a yelling contest that ended with my aunt shoving the phone into my hand and me picking it up to hear my mom yelling on her side. My aunt the lowly clever though not even that just base sprung me a trap. "Grandpa stays alone if you leave" and it's implied she will not search for any alternative at all to cover 2 weeks if I were to go. Mom fights with her and my aunt simply asks me if I want to leave I tell her I do if Grandpa can be cared for she answers that he'll be alone then basks in her victory. Oh so damn a lowly being.

Guess what? Not only is there a nursing service that can be paid. My dad's sister who lives in new jersey that evangelist that came over once. She clearly stated being a sweet unemployed christian lady that she'd be more than happy to take care of grandpa in the mornings and afternoons until my aunt came home for a small modest fee. They don't want to pay a professional nursing service, they don't want to pay shit to a sweet christian family member that's more than willing. They say because they also don't want to "bother" her making her drive but also of course and unspoken pay a miserable pay because the nursing service might cost but my evangelist aunt asks nothing compared to it. Am I coming off as angry again? Well I am.

I should tell you what happened and I should tell you what I don't think I have told you. Firstly here it goes again. I give something closely equal to professional nursing care during the day. I've watched closely at the hospital and I love my grandpa a lot so I'm devoted in my service and practice. Shift him every hour, medicate him, groom him, receive the nurses and home aids and packages, monitor his machines, empty his folly bag. Check his sugar, temperature, control the room temperature. I could go on. After my aunt comes home she needs help shifting him and changing him. I change him with the help of home aids and nurses during the day and I can shift him by myself. Still I'm preparing medications and taking sugar and such well into the night. At around 11-12 my aunt goes to sleep after checking and changing him and the bed one last time if needed. This is my only time when I can be truly alone and in private. Outside of this time I can't watch a whole movie or show. Even still my aunt wakes me during the night to shift him or suction him or odder things besides. She does a number of times, 2 or 3 most nights at 2-4-6 a.m. Multiply that everyday for 6 months. They don't want to bother the sweet christian lady that's bee insisting she can help everyday? To hell with that they just don't want to pay her. I didn't know that was up.

To make things more cheerful my laptop. Yes the one I've returned 3 times for various software and hardware issues that it had while brand new well it's broken. Not even broken again it got shipped they fixed the optical drive which was broken and nobody even knew it was and shipped it back with the still not working CD-ROM so CDs aren't really working on it still... I'm shipping it back for full refund and washing my hands of this unbelievable technical support incompetence. I'm on the phone with them right now.

Anyways so yes the odd hours of the night are the only time I have for myself and so I do go on the computer or watch a whole movie or show an hour and a half or two hours going to bed at around 1:30-2:00 usually but not exclusively. I need time for myself at some point and that's all I get a few hours in the dead of night. I must move on soon so the point is this brings us to the latest insult. She walks in this morning and finds me sleeping at 7 and tells me she's calling to take grandpa to the hospital as "preventive measures" and will tell me when the paramedics are onb their way. So I figure I'll be sleeping on a pullout sofa for the next week and a half or two so I go back to bed while I have one. She then walks in on me oh so not acceptable 8 in the morning and tlls me in her thin reedy voice: "This happens to you for being up on that computer at night, you're supposed to be caring for your grandfather. It's fine I'll go to the hospital with him. I don't need you right now I'll pick you up when I do." What the hell? I regularly have 2 hours for myself and the rest is spent with grandpa or helping her. I'm some employee that needs to be up and at it while at work and the catch is the shift never ends. I have to leave no trace that I live here AND be fully awake day and night and ready to be woken during the night and my only leisure should be sleeping in the odd hours I take for myself? They don't want to make the christian lady drive...

I want to go home though mom's saying her controlling crap again. "Nobody will love you like I do", "You will not be safer anywhere but your home", "People that tell you not to listen to me are bad people", "Listen to me in all things". I simply don't say anything and I sense her tensing up the same way she tenses when I tell her she's being racist saying black people are inferior and that they aren't, when I stay silent when she tells me Jesus could make grandpa get up and walk right this very instant or don't hate campaign with her when she says homosexuals are depraved filthy disgusting demons. She's the sweetest thing as long as you agree and do as she says when you don't she's your worst enemy. There are no facts merely interpretations. She's wrong in my view most of the time and I love her anyway. She's apparently incapable of returning such sentiment. I can't relate to her well and my aunt is the same way I saw them interact. They get together and the Tv goes "She was raped by her ex boyfriend and beaten" they start clucking on how horrible it is for hours on end. For me I assume everyone in the room finds it horrible, if someone says it's not and presents a reason then yes that would be something to talk about for hours. Anyhow Dad's restraining order is down so I can see him again and I am looking forward to that though. My animals and my friends. There's a good chance it'll be tooth and nail if I want to study abroad.

Sins of a Solar Empire has taken my stress away I actually left this open and played it for around an hour now I have to go pack for the hospital. My Vasari Empire own 4 stars. Damn Sexy. Like me.