God how I hate holidays

Dec 25, 2007

Holidays suck...
Just sitting here...
No tree...
No gifts...
Alone...

I'm actually hoping the phone rings and someone says "Hey I was actually giving a damn about you right now and decided to call to see how you were doing"

See I have a fragmented dysfunctional family I am fine with it its always been that way most of the time I feel I don't have one at all. Because of that friends mean a lot to me. Friends are basically family to me... guess I don't mean the same to them. Before someone starts exploding about how they said merry Christmas! everyone replied to it which doesn't really help me at all if I have to go around reminding people that it's Christmas and I exist. I just feel neglected and really lonely right now... stupid holidays

A part of this is also that I didn't get gifts I know that sounds childish but it really does hurt and I am in a really stupid honest emotional mood. Not getting gifts though, that's nobodies fault. I really I didn't really expect because I never do but then everybody else is getting stuff and parading. I hate holidays... I might be a loner but that's because I choose my friends carefully and dislike larger scale social interactions. I don't want a lot of attention I get really shy and uncomfortable with it. I just want to be held tightly and know someone cares and that it's not a lie. People seem so shallow and distant at times, those I care about I mean. People as a whole seem unpleasant and annoying.

It's going to be 4am and I can't sleep I just wanted to write somewhere.