*Sigh*

Fri Jun 20, 2008, 7:26 PM

I get sat down and told I can't leave and to look at her when she's talking. She starts telling me and asking me things and I answer or argue and she just tells me I'm wrong and she's right. This goes on for hours and I don't actually prove anything it's plain fucking brainwashing. I know the answer she wants to hear but I don't say it, I say my own because she's wrong she's bloody wrong and her morals and values and everything is wrong, they are her own and they are wrong. I can live with that but then she sits me down and starts chipping away at my beliefs and my opinions. Mine are wrong her's are right it's the way of things, I can't leave, I can't interrupt, I can't look away or disagree I just have to sit there. Alone in a room with someone not letting me go and that won't tolerate or respect what I think just there to impose hers and wipe my own. My opinion's shit and her's is a shining beacon of truth. I can hold out I really can for the first hour or two but then I feel like I'm shit and I can't do anything about it like trying to stop the tide. She repeats and repeats and repeats. I try explaining different ways I'm calm and collected and rational and keep meeting a stone wall of ignorance. This does go on for bleeding HOURS. I keep standing up for my point and she keeps kicking my legs off from under me with incoherent out of her mind points that somehow are supposed to cancel my own and they don't but in my little room of frustration and exasperation they start doing so by sheer weight of hopelesness. I am losing my fucking mind after 3 hours. I start agreeing sarcastically and telling her what she wants to hear asking her if it's an actual talk human being from human being or just brainwashing and interrogation. This by definition IS interrogation and torture. There's only one answer and it's the one she thinks is right, her mind's already made up and she still asks me what I think. When I state what I think or tell her she's wrong she just starts rattling off a long list on why she's right by divine right, experience or wisdom and I can't Interrupt. She can interrupt Oh yes she can all she wants to tell me my point is wrong and start saying that I''m wrong once while I of course can't interrupt her when she does it. She lives in a world of black and white, perfect expectations, of racism and selfish social structure, dogma and divine hate, of a narrow perfect and always right view no matter what the rest of the world thinks, no matter the minds and opinions of others. We won't agree I know we won't and I'm fine with it. She's not and I can't it hurts, I can't prove anything and I know I'm right. She's paranoid and unhappy and wants to transmit it like a disease, forcefully and constantly. I'm not even asking for being right I'm just asking to be respected as a different minded human being or left alone. It's been four hours and I feel like crying and never talking my mind again. She demands I act happy with her too it's all so insanely stupid. She says it's all for my own good and to "guide" me but she's killing me and it's really obvious and I know she doesn't really give a shit. Once she's wins she gets up says it's closed and walks away completely fuck how wounded and crushed I am. It's sick it's all about her being superior, dominating and right all cloaked in self righteousness.

I tore my room up for the sake of proving to myself that I'm not completely powerless even if logic and reason fail.A logical reaction in an irrational situation... still this can't be healthy. I'll write nicer things later I'm sorry.