Ah my life

See I'm in a bit of a spot here. Anyone that knows me well, those numbers aren't high, will know I don't have the greatest household life. I have analyzed the situation to the best of my abilities and it's as simple as to why every other person annoys me. Ego, selfishness, disregard for others preached however in a far more twisted format to make it seem pathetically benign until the tempers start flaring.

It all starts when I'm watering the plants in the balcony and my mother asks me to water the ones in garage. I tell her okay wait I'll water them when I'm done and go to the balcony now the thing is my mother is incapable of physical labor or stress, or waiting of ANY kind to an amount only bloated by an inflated ego. So she gets angry if she has to wait 20 seconds and she gets angry if someone else doesn't want to do it because she tells them to. I doubt that those few sentences encompass the whole stress and conflict such outward attitudes cause but moving on.

So in her annoyance she says something that in my entire life and despite it being something undeniable by reality she has never changed. The words and phrases are always eager to escape her lips. "You never do anything", "you're so irresponsible", "You never help me", "you never do this".

Of course depending on my mood is my reaction if its alright simple ignorance, if I'm tired and irritable just some snide comment about being disconnected from reality and a shake of the head, if I was having a great day up to there... I respond in kind and full.

So I go over with my little gallon of water and start watering some plants so they get more water in the soil. She is of course if the situation fuming in the most absurd way. Yet I am ignorant thinking well she's finally doing something and I'm doing this so teamwork. She snaps and starts demanding I take the hose because "I never do anything". I tell her to water her own damn plants for once and that I do it everyday. She of course does something familiar and replies as if I haven't said anything relevant with "You never want to help, you're so irresponsible". I tell her well the plants are alive midsummer so someone must be taking care of them it always has been apparent that to her stating logic that incriminates in calm ways in arguments is disrespecting, insulting and illogical. So she starts yelling at me to shut up and calls me an ungrateful animal as a bitter afterthought. Blood is up and all so as absurd and childish it is I find that with her its a matte of her feeling its impossible for anyone to insult her and I never have except in the worst fights where she has been insulting, swearing and hitting me and then and only then I do swear at her. With uncalled for insults like that I simply throw them back so you're the ungrateful animal. Taste of the own medecine and here is where she takes it a step further because that is what she does she just devolves further into conflict and starts assaulting me physically when threats, insults and non-physical aggression in general fails. So once again i always tell her these fights are absurd because these are things that families especially don't do to that extent and insanity. So because it seems right and you know rational and mature in the situation to her she throws a dirty plant from the floor she was holding at my face.

She tells don't count on me for anything you ungrateful bastard and leave. I tell her hey i was watering plants with you and you started this because I didn't want to do something that is or at least should be now and then your responsibility.


She has her caged finches, her turtles, her plants, her dogs, her pigeons and her snakes. However I have to take care of them and she is most like a child. She gets them and gives them utmost attention for 3 months tops then tells me its my responsibility to feed and care for them. So once again it would be fine if then they were my animals and plants. They aren't however and I'm not saying i'd like them to be mine to sell or do what i please with them but the issue is they aren't mine to help or improve their quality of life.

She keeps the finch cages in the living room and they dirty the floor when they eat not to mention the poor bastards live in a dimly lit living room in small cages and well they are birds and not bats. Because its comfortable for her since she doesn't clean shit and piss on a daily basis like i do she's never trained her two dogs to go outside just me to clean everyday.

However it gets even more wonderful because: She doesn't do dishes, she doesn't mop or broom, she doesn't clean up after herself. She eats and drinks and leaves it there for days until it smells bad or I come along and clean it. I cut the grass, I unclog her toilets I am a full-time handyman. It doesn't stop there, I can't sleep during the day because I won't answer if she calls on me for something. However she falls asleep on the sofa on a regular basis and sits on the computer or watches tv all day, this and going work is what her life is composed of.

So i'm left with the house and college at the same time and no thanks whatsoever, quite the contrary insults and reminders that she lives in her own reality where I'm just your typical rebellious teenager who doesn't keep his head down and quiet and also not like your typical rebellious teenager keeps the house going and cares for animals like a damned zookeeper as well. In an argument she admitted that her logic works like this, this a perfectly simple and right unfair feudal system centered around her ego, she pays for the house (the house has been paid for a number of years and most of it not by her but my grandmother however she insists on using the term) and bills which trust me i don't use that much water or electricity. She is also a woman and well herself. So not me especially not me, nor my uncle nor my cousin who live in an separate apartment behind the house can in anyway come into conflict with her.

The largest issue here is that not coming into conflict with an irresponsible. insulting and tyrannical egomaniac is hard. She valued her privacy so i never cleaned her room what happened the dogs shit on her bed enough times she started sleeping in the living room. I cleaned her bed and the dog didn't again, she was upset but of course nothing resolve itself when the dog didn't again. The couch had roaches so she moved into my room. Where she now sleeps and of course my protests are something that will get her angry. Her promises is how she deals with demands. if her promises where anything of value the house would be a mansion from all the different things she said she'll hire someone to fix (and just decay further) I would've traveled to at least 6 different countries and she simply wouldn't act like she does because sadly she's said she's going to change and manage her bouts of uncontrollable rage. On a quick note she doesn't fix the house because she's scared her sisters will one day wake up and decide they want her share so she's rather content keeping it a shithole and keeping it a livable shithole by the effort and work of others.

Since her life is based off: Work, TV, computer and controlling everyone by force well the promises are a little empty. Which bring me to the next part of the story. She insults me and tells me to leave and not to count on her for anything since I'm so unhelpful all the time and irresponsible. She calls my cousin and he comes over, he's around sporadically and doesn;t help as much but yeah he has his own life so I don't blame him. he tries to stay neutral in situations between me and her. My mother constantly accuses him of stealing and worse things as well as giving him a lighter version of the same you're worthless around here rap.

So she calls him over and well we have a broken pipe that every time someone in the house flushes the toilet is comes out the broken section. Naturally someone that isn't her has to go clean it up, everyday at some point or more than once. I don't have money to pay for that, my uncle and cousin might but they won't because my mother saves and saves and SAVES very greedily and people must beg for money from her and then she will bring it up for years to come. However she hasn't gone to an ATM she asks for money from me or them and then takes her sweet time (weeks) in giving it back and more often than not says "you owed me for said thing" which did involve money but there was obviously no agreement for it to be valid like the way she uses it.

So he does get upset because his father which is 74 has to clean it when I'm not home and he's not up for bending down like that and the key factor... mom can spare the money and make the call if she didn't want to stop watching tv or just "felt like it later on". So sure you guess she's just late for things and she's a not the nicest person. She got angry at my cousin told him she wasn't fixing shit and left. You assume she's not the nicest person and late eh? well get this... the pipe has been broken for months. Of course she would get angry if someone called any plumber but expected her to pay it. So we just have to sit on our asses and wait for whenever she feels like it this year.

So back to the story I walk by the living room where she is sitting on the sofa looking angry and as always she stops me to continue the fight that has continued to boil in her feverish brain at that moment. Most of the times where she simply argues, insults, wounds and realizes she can't win and decides that she can get away with out of nowhere doesn't want to talk about it anymore because she doesn't have the upper hand isn't succeeding in making the other person feel like shit and pressing the matter on why and saying "Hey you're stopping because you're not winning why don't you stop when you are" causes physical violence from her. because she of course is god-like in her mind and if she wants you to shut up nothing, no moral, no logic, no feeling of remorse or consideration will stop her from screaming, hitting with objects and screaming to shut you up for saying in a calm tone of voice you want to continue discussing her faults and the stuff she totally ignores with gross irresponsibility and how unfair she treats other. She will turn into an animal with nothing but domination and subjugation of the other person who continues to displease her because this simply should not be regardless of the cost in family relations, the effect on the other person so on. on a side note she stresses the fact she wants to keep a spotless public image of the brutality and iron fisted mind underneath. So you guess eit family are fair game and people from work, strangers and such are you people to show a nice warm caring mask. She claims she is a humanitarian and cares for so many animals and loves them and also is quick to say her son is a rebellious bastard who likes to stand against her for its own sake, you know teenagers and young adults tend to be like that as well as doing nothing home, this is how she tells other people I am with sincerity and relish.

So I stand in the living room and she starts telling me oh you defy me, you disrespect me and you talk back. You know the Saint is pointing fingers at me. So the same thing I point them back and she gets outraged. She is untouchable in her twisted mind, no one dare point out her flaws to her face when she is accusing them and insulting them. So the situation is serious she can't say anything general or nonspecific so she reviews in her what I haven't done without considering all I have. Guess what she bursts out? You didn't take out the trash yesterday! I've been writing this for about half an hour now and as I re-read what I write i find is so damn absurdly insane. It would be ignorable and laughable if it wasn't on a regular basis and going on for years. So yes as absurd as it was her face is twisted in the most accusing hateful scowl and her most angry dominant glare accompanies it and she says how simple and how necessary it is to take out the trash and how its the only necessary thing I do but I don't because she says it once again: "I never do anything or help around the house." I go fine alright, by that logic I'll stop doing everything else since i guess I haven't actually been doing them and concentrate on this since by the severity of this situation, the fact you've been screaming, swearing, insulting and fuming at me, the trash is the most important and only necessary thing. Your own words. Now when your birds start starving to death which they did when this same conversation happened in the past.

(She told me not to care for her birds because I opened a new bag of seeds when she couldn't explain where the already open one was and started swearing at me over it and of course I spoke back. 3 finches dropped dead in the same week).

So your birds will die, your plants will dry, your toilet will clog, no one will bring you the remote, your dogs will starve so on. Your house will be in a much much worse state if we make your words apply to reality.

Oh no reality and the insubordinate son attack! they have cornered her! a mature person would accept the faults or at least would want to admit that they were offensive and that they do need around the house and that one is being considerate and helpful. A little bit? a tiny bit? We are family if not family then who? Mother and son. The facts are there and the answer is:

"Shut up and go to the hell away, stop talking back to me you ungrateful bastard and get the hell out"

Oh well you see the insults don't affect me, the swearing doesn't surprise me, the screaming and the expressions of utter fury and hate on her face don't scare me anymore, her slaps and hits don't shock or even hurt because its all been done so many times, I'm just tired of it. I do muster enough to just continue talking, in a calm controlled voice. I tell her but why can't we talk, you've sworn at me, you've slapped me, you've thrown a tantrum, you've screamed at me. You have done all that you can do and you could do more because I won't care. I just want to talk and I'm not hitting you, swearing at you, raising my voice-

At this point she gets up walks briskly to me and clamps her hands over my mouth and starts shaking my head while screaming. "SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT THE HELL UP WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND I WANT YOU TO SHUT UP". I keep talking under her hand saying "I'm just trying to address some issues that have been going on for years" while her bulging eyes and red face are inches from mine and she starts hitting me. Quick hard slaps to the cheeks and mouth. She picks up a shoe and asks me if I want her to hit me with it, funny thing is i am simply not in the plane of violence then and there i am completely focused on just having a talk because while it will quite possibly never work my way to deal with it is to try and try again even the impossible. the impossible is maybe she'll realize how absurd it is to hit someone that's just trying to calmly converse regardless of anything else her mind conjures.

She says she'll hit me with the shoe if I keep talking then asks me if I want her to hit me with it. Typical traditional threat, you're doing something and I want you to stop as a violent person. I am the dominant here so you will either give me permission to hit you or agree to my demands. I will hit you if you do but before I do let me wash my hands and ask you if you want me to. It is a simple stupid and basic paradox so as a reply I still look calm and shrug. She hits me once across the face hard enough for me to know she is losing control. She asks me if I want her to do it again, same tactic so she can if justify it to herself or others if she ever has to.

I don't know what will happen, maybe she'll give me a good bruise or maybe pacificst logic will stop this madness. We are family and this is the kind of crap i can imagine happening in Guantanamo bay when it was working or bad in the head castaways in an island and sadly the situation follows those psychological parameters because there is no intervention from outside just me and her insanity going toe to toe. The intimidation and aggression of an interrogator and a tyrant adapted absurdly and twisted into the setting of my household life with a short woman holding a shoe.


Her life is based on having with no control for herself but depending on complete control of others. Living with her becomes a real living hell after years. I need to get the hell out and I'm planning to but you know part of me wishes we'd just go to a shrink and talk not her start screaming and hitting me because she doesn't want to face her own problems and can't stand anyone confronting her about them.