Drugs and Friends (Not current)

-- Unknown time and date--

Crossing bridges as I come to them. On the friendship field I must say. It's pathetic if someone's life revolves like that. Sitting in another person's apartment day after day with ganja and alcohol as sole entertainment. Rotting. Decaying. Mind, body and soul. I don't control people's lives nor assume to have a say in them. I got bigger fish to fry but right now you disappoint me. I take that back. I'm sorry it's not true. You disgust me. I'm keeping my distance the emotional support and affection I provide is withdrawn for awhile for how long I don't know. Go be told you're loved by your new bloody drugs and vices. Pissed at you for doing it and pissed at her for encouraging it. Sad really I resolve myself to get there and this kicks me in the face right after it. We cross the bridges when we get there though. A lot more to a person than a few flaws and I still and always will have your name carved upon my heart but I got my own flaws and a burning dislike for such things is one.

I speak of the one that did it. Let's call her Paula shall we? Why am I disgusted not merely disappointed? Because we share views on it. Would you guess that? She's throwing herself into this to drown her troubles and blind herself. We share views in this and as such I held her in this aspect to my own standards. It's just pathetic and to be honest it hurts me a lot. I just tend to tend sadness into anger. I think it the lesser of the two evils in my eyes. Doing something wrong for the sake of feeling that dangerous little kick of doing something you shouldn't, that forbidden bliss of breaking the taboo that you hold yourself to.

Now that that's out. For the encourager let's call her Cristina that sounds good? Well she's been in this for awhile and grown into the issue itself over time. I'm merely dissapointed because she probably knew how I'd feel. Paula however is doing it as some idiotic masochistic fling over torn up emotions. For the Cristina I'm not surprised or shocked at all I've come to terms with it more or less.

It's just a dislike I am very much more wounded by the fact that I love her. I want to go to the movies with her, cook for her, cook with her, cuddle, go to a mall, go for a walk, play in the snow, plan a trip, plan for college, help each other with homework and chores, go out for coffee so on and so forth. I look over and see her rotting for it's the only way I can describe it and wish I was there. I wonder if I'll be enough to turn this around in any noticeable degree.

I realize my conscious ommition of names may make this hard to read. I'm not going to throw around names. I might edit and name them with fake ones. Just went back and did. Lucky you.