--Unknown time and date--
There are some people you just never forget. Sometimes because they're too wonderful to forget and they materialize themselves in your day dreams. Sometimes they stalk your nightmares as fading horrors or guilt that cling to your psyche and haunt you in the dark hours of the night. These fade though, if you let go of them.
Then there are the good wonderful memories which stay with you and you welcome them. Then maybe they're placed in some recess of your mind that phases in and out but they're always there. Even if they are bittersweet because you can't be with that person anymore. They're always in the back of your mind.
They remind you of what you had and what you can have. They are bittersweet indeed. I think they're the best kind of memories if you act on them.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Drugs and Friends (Not current)
-- Unknown time and date--
Crossing bridges as I come to them. On the friendship field I must say. It's pathetic if someone's life revolves like that. Sitting in another person's apartment day after day with ganja and alcohol as sole entertainment. Rotting. Decaying. Mind, body and soul. I don't control people's lives nor assume to have a say in them. I got bigger fish to fry but right now you disappoint me. I take that back. I'm sorry it's not true. You disgust me. I'm keeping my distance the emotional support and affection I provide is withdrawn for awhile for how long I don't know. Go be told you're loved by your new bloody drugs and vices. Pissed at you for doing it and pissed at her for encouraging it. Sad really I resolve myself to get there and this kicks me in the face right after it. We cross the bridges when we get there though. A lot more to a person than a few flaws and I still and always will have your name carved upon my heart but I got my own flaws and a burning dislike for such things is one.
I speak of the one that did it. Let's call her Paula shall we? Why am I disgusted not merely disappointed? Because we share views on it. Would you guess that? She's throwing herself into this to drown her troubles and blind herself. We share views in this and as such I held her in this aspect to my own standards. It's just pathetic and to be honest it hurts me a lot. I just tend to tend sadness into anger. I think it the lesser of the two evils in my eyes. Doing something wrong for the sake of feeling that dangerous little kick of doing something you shouldn't, that forbidden bliss of breaking the taboo that you hold yourself to.
Now that that's out. For the encourager let's call her Cristina that sounds good? Well she's been in this for awhile and grown into the issue itself over time. I'm merely dissapointed because she probably knew how I'd feel. Paula however is doing it as some idiotic masochistic fling over torn up emotions. For the Cristina I'm not surprised or shocked at all I've come to terms with it more or less.
It's just a dislike I am very much more wounded by the fact that I love her. I want to go to the movies with her, cook for her, cook with her, cuddle, go to a mall, go for a walk, play in the snow, plan a trip, plan for college, help each other with homework and chores, go out for coffee so on and so forth. I look over and see her rotting for it's the only way I can describe it and wish I was there. I wonder if I'll be enough to turn this around in any noticeable degree.
I realize my conscious ommition of names may make this hard to read. I'm not going to throw around names. I might edit and name them with fake ones. Just went back and did. Lucky you.
Crossing bridges as I come to them. On the friendship field I must say. It's pathetic if someone's life revolves like that. Sitting in another person's apartment day after day with ganja and alcohol as sole entertainment. Rotting. Decaying. Mind, body and soul. I don't control people's lives nor assume to have a say in them. I got bigger fish to fry but right now you disappoint me. I take that back. I'm sorry it's not true. You disgust me. I'm keeping my distance the emotional support and affection I provide is withdrawn for awhile for how long I don't know. Go be told you're loved by your new bloody drugs and vices. Pissed at you for doing it and pissed at her for encouraging it. Sad really I resolve myself to get there and this kicks me in the face right after it. We cross the bridges when we get there though. A lot more to a person than a few flaws and I still and always will have your name carved upon my heart but I got my own flaws and a burning dislike for such things is one.
I speak of the one that did it. Let's call her Paula shall we? Why am I disgusted not merely disappointed? Because we share views on it. Would you guess that? She's throwing herself into this to drown her troubles and blind herself. We share views in this and as such I held her in this aspect to my own standards. It's just pathetic and to be honest it hurts me a lot. I just tend to tend sadness into anger. I think it the lesser of the two evils in my eyes. Doing something wrong for the sake of feeling that dangerous little kick of doing something you shouldn't, that forbidden bliss of breaking the taboo that you hold yourself to.
Now that that's out. For the encourager let's call her Cristina that sounds good? Well she's been in this for awhile and grown into the issue itself over time. I'm merely dissapointed because she probably knew how I'd feel. Paula however is doing it as some idiotic masochistic fling over torn up emotions. For the Cristina I'm not surprised or shocked at all I've come to terms with it more or less.
It's just a dislike I am very much more wounded by the fact that I love her. I want to go to the movies with her, cook for her, cook with her, cuddle, go to a mall, go for a walk, play in the snow, plan a trip, plan for college, help each other with homework and chores, go out for coffee so on and so forth. I look over and see her rotting for it's the only way I can describe it and wish I was there. I wonder if I'll be enough to turn this around in any noticeable degree.
I realize my conscious ommition of names may make this hard to read. I'm not going to throw around names. I might edit and name them with fake ones. Just went back and did. Lucky you.
Notes on Arrival on PR (not current)
--Short note on arrival in PR and anecdotes, not current, written sometime in late December--
My dear mother has wasted no time in converting me into a majordomo with he occasional hard labor to do once more. She is once more incapable of getting up to fetch objects that are 8 feet from her so she calls out for me to get them. I however have to get up from my BED and go over. She sinks into the couch and is too lazy to get up. Ugh. I am providing animal care once more. Bitter this homecoming was just plain bitter not bittersweet as expected. Just bitter, truly and heinously.
shouldn't the fear of STD's alone keep him away? He doesn't know where that's been! I'd be more okay with him shagging some dead animal left in the sun to be honest. It was emotional he says. Well I care for Miss blossom like a sister and I'm not offering to put my hand in her pants am I? Seems silly an excuse. I'll leave him be for now the world shuns him already. I don't like agreeing with the world. The world and I rarely get along.
My dear mother has wasted no time in converting me into a majordomo with he occasional hard labor to do once more. She is once more incapable of getting up to fetch objects that are 8 feet from her so she calls out for me to get them. I however have to get up from my BED and go over. She sinks into the couch and is too lazy to get up. Ugh. I am providing animal care once more. Bitter this homecoming was just plain bitter not bittersweet as expected. Just bitter, truly and heinously.
shouldn't the fear of STD's alone keep him away? He doesn't know where that's been! I'd be more okay with him shagging some dead animal left in the sun to be honest. It was emotional he says. Well I care for Miss blossom like a sister and I'm not offering to put my hand in her pants am I? Seems silly an excuse. I'll leave him be for now the world shuns him already. I don't like agreeing with the world. The world and I rarely get along.
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