Stay at the Hospital (Not current)

--Found this, written sometime in December by my guess during my stay in the hospital--

The bitter beginning. I'm writing from the hospital. I got a comfy sleeping bag. I am currently inside it writing. I'm back on track. Confident and cocky I got it all figured out. I know my plans and I know that they'll work. Pulled through for now. Can't be bothered with petty things for petty things they are. I feel edgy...very much so.There will be repercussions but not now. Too busy for them now. Maybe it's bought time maybe it's all I need. I've gone heartless per se in a way. Determined very much so though. Somewhere between splashing in diarrhea for two nights, the long solitude and the screaming fits of an ill man I love. I snapped. I left Friday got back Monday. My grandfather is going through these screaming fits. He just screams and screams until he tires himself out. I didn't sleep. My mom heard it once, for a few minutes, and started crying. I've heard it 5 times for hours on end and felt concern and alarm only. I think I've lost part of myself in all of this, I just don't how much.

He's medicated, all that does is keep greater time distance between the fits. He never did that before. I left Friday as mentioned before and he didn't have these screaming fits. My aunt stayed Friday to Monday and they started. Suspicious no? She keeps telling him it's okay to want to die, kindly worded ask god to take you, dumb stupid wench that's paramount to torture for someone in his position.